Today in Now I’ve Seen Everything (Corporate Idiocy Edition): Have you caught that cheese commercial where a couple are checking into a hotel with a cooler full of the stuff, followed by the slogan: It’s OK To Bring Your Own Cheese. I’m sorry, what? Bring my own cheese? WTF are you talking about? To the company that undoubtedly spent six (if not seven) figures on this nonsensical bullshit, I make this offer: Fire the moronic CEO who greenlit this epic fail and hire me. I will only charge you half his salary — which will instantly save you a few million dollars, I suspect — and I promise not to waste more of your profits on TV ads so fucking stupid that a halfwit with a head injury would be embarrassed by them. And now, let’s rock out to these cheese-free treats:
Chrysalïd | Eternal Flame (ft. Tim “Ripper” Owens)
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “Chrysalïd, the heavy metal powerhouse from Northern England, were founded in 1999 by the talented Emmanuel Thorsen. Their music is a passionate blend inspired by NWOHBM, power metal, and thrash. Their sound perfectly captures the energy, passion, joy, and chill of their metal roots. They just announced their new upcoming album Breaking The Chains, which features guests like Tim “Ripper” Owens, Zak Stevens, Fabio Lione and Henning Basse. This album delivers a powerful message to the world about never giving up, always fighting for your dreams, and standing tall no matter how many times you fall. For fans of Savatage, Helloween, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and Angra, Breaking The Chains is a must-listen. Let the music of Chrysalïd ignite your spirit and fuel your passion for metal.”
Nekomata | In My Flesh
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “Italian metalcore band Nekomata have just released their new single In My Flesh, the first track from their upcoming album Euphoria. Known for their unique powercore style — a fusion of power metal, metalcore and death metal — Nekomata return with a sound that is heavier, more refined, and fiercely melodic. Following the success of their debut album …And Then, The Abusement Park Left Town (2022) and the singles Call to Arms and Algorithmically Imperfect, Nekomata push the boundaries of their creativity with In My Flesh. The track showcases the evolution of their sound: Intricate melodic hooks built on crushing riffs, and vocal harmonies alternating between clean singing and devastating growls, all enhanced by cinematic elements that add a dynamic and unexpected twist.”
Siege Perilous | Brothers Of The Five
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “After unveiling their monumental musical odyssey in their new EP Creation’s Call in August, Denver’s fantasy power metal warriors Siege Perilous share the lyric video for the closing track Brothers Of The Five. The song is a massive, epic, with a triumphant sound that shows the brighter side of power metal. The lyrical story behind the track centers around a group of heroic knights who live their lives by five tenets: Honor, integrity, resilience, willpower, and command. A culmination of years of storytelling and musical craftsmanship, Creation’s Call immerses metal fans in a world of adventure and intrigue.”
Triskelyon | Eternal Conflict (ft. Tiina Teal)
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “Canadian thrash gods Triskelyon will be delivering stainless steel fury on their third album Shattered Elysium, out this Friday. In the lead-up to its release, they share their latest video Eternal Conflict featuring guest vocals from Tiina Teal of Detente. “Eternal Conflict is about us, humanity, as we live in a violent world engulfed in perpetual war and conflict,” says band founder and guitarist Geoff Waye. “It highlights the devastation and despair caused by continuous warfare, with imagery of crumbling cities, blood-soaked grounds, and lives destroyed. The relentless nature of the violence is a cycle that perpetuates itself without end.”
GraveMass | Slave To Pain
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “Emerging from the depths of the Canadian West Coast metal scene, GraveMass are set to redefine metal with their fierce and unrelenting sound. Comprised of seasoned veterans from bands such as Zimmers Hole, West of Hell, The Golers, Punch Drunk, 3 Inches of Blood, Revocation and more, GraveMass are a new force to be reckoned with in the landscape. Drawing inspiration from Slayer, Venom, Morbid Angel, Watain and Napalm Death, the band’s music is a relentless onslaught of evil, guaranteed to leave a lasting impact on any listener. Their debut video Slave To Pain offers fans a glimpse into the raw power and intensity that define GraveMass. The track, steeped in the tradition of early black metal and tape trading, addresses the harsh realities faced by followers of Abrahamic religions, portraying them as slaves to pain.”
Theigns & Thralls | Now My Life Is Done
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “Theigns & Thralls, known for their distinctive blend of folk-metal and classic rock, have released a lyric video for Now My Life Is Done. This track is part of their latest album The Keep & The Spire, which showcases the band’s evolution with a heavier and darker tone, devoid of acoustic tracks. Theigns & Thralls is the brainchild of Skyclad vocalist and songwriter Kevin Ridley, featuring members of Cruachan and Waylander. Their new album not only reflects their artistic growth but also offers fans a deeper and more immersive experience. The initial inspiration for Now My Life Is Done came from a gavotte (French dance music) by J.B. Lulley (from around 1686) as well as a poem called Elegy by Chidiock Tichborne (1586). This poem was written while he was in prison awaiting execution, his words fit the mood of the music perfectly.”
Atomis | Awakening
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “After releasing their Void Box Set this past August to honour their late drummer Nathan Navetto, Calgary’s progressive post-metal act Atomis are sharing the video for the track Awakening. The song is an epic over 14 minutes in length, and was featured on the band’s self-titled 2014 album. It’s downtuned to B, and even low as G# in the studio for certain parts. It is as heavy as it gets beautiful. The Void Box Set is a complete collection that spans a decade ranging from a high production debut album of previously unheard music to an experimental version of the album — Nathan’s version — called Welcome To The Void, which includes a remix of the debut album, plus eight bonus tracks fully written by Nathan.”
Stöner | Evel Never Dies
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “Stöner are the supergroup formed by desert rock forefathers and long-time friends Brant Bjork (Kyuss, Fu Manchu), Nick Oliveri (Mondo Generator, Kyuss, QOTSA) and Ryan Güt (Brant Björk), who released two studio albums and one EP. Celebrating three studio records and three years of intensive touring across the globe, Stöner are ready to embark you on their groove-laden live experience with their new live album Hittin’ The Bitchin’ Switch. The album features the band’s greatest hits as well as their acclaimed covers of the Kyuss classics Gardenia and Green Machine. It was recorded live at Altroquando in Treviso by Matteo Pillon, engineered, mixed and mastered by Tommaso Mantelli and Max Ear at Lesder Studio. It is due on Oct. 11.”
Manuel Barbará | Aphelion (ft. Michael Nystrom Bala)
THE EDITED PRESS RELEASE: “Metal guitarist and composer Manuel Barbará shares the video for his track Aphelion, from his recently released EP Whisper In A Storm. The song features Michael Nystrom Bala, the ’80s half of Necronomicon Ex Mortis’ guitars. The single showcases Barbará’s signature blend of heavy metal aggression and classical music’s formal, harmonic concepts. “Aphelion is designed to be heavy and scary,” Barbará says. “It was super cool to design two similar solo sections that I could split with my dear friend Mike. The original idea for this song was “What if I took a straightforward unga-bunga riff and made it weirder and weirder every time it happens”. I think it really features the difference in our styles. I hope someone moshes to this one.”
