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Posehn | Grandpa Metal

The metal-loving comic recruits a VIP band for his first album of Satanic songs.

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WHO IS HE? Comedian, actor, comic-book author, hulking nerd-behemoth and longtime headbanger fanboy Brian Posehn, whose credits include everything from The Big Bang Theory and The Sarah Silverman Program to The Devil’s Rejects, The Mandalorian and Metalocalypse. At least one of those makes sense.

WHAT IS THIS? His first comedy-metal album. And you know what that means: Songs about Satan, monsters, Hell, Huey Lewis and his dick, voiced with Posehn’s basement-band pipes and backed by a who’s who of heavyweights that includes current and ex-members of Anthrax, Slipknot, Slayer, Exodus, Testament, Fall Out Boy, Death Angel, Guns N’ Roses, Soundgarden and plenty more. Oh, and ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic, of course.

WHAT DOES IT SOUND LIKE? That joke metal band you and your buddies had in high school — except that these guys can actually play their instruments, and Posehn’s arrested-adolescent lyrics are simultaneously sharper and stupider than yours ever were. As for his singing, well, let’s just say Bruce Dickinson has nothing to worry about.

WHAT ARE THE MOST REVEALING LYRICS? “Never swung a sword or a battle axe in my life / But I sure as hell have gotten a mani-pedi with my wife.” Well, there’s a line KISS and AC/DC never got around to using.

WHAT SHOULD IT BE TITLED? Smell the Beard. I would also have accepted anything incorporating the words Big and Bang — though CBS’s lawyers would probably kibosh that faster than you can say Bazinga.

HOW SHOULD I LISTEN TO IT? While pounding brewskis in the rec room with other old farts who hate new music — ie, anything that doesn’t sound like Sabbath, Priest and Metallica.

WHAT 10 WORDS SUM IT UP? Aggressive, propulsive, muscular, outrageous, sardonic, dedicated, clever, sophomoric, nostalgic, silly.

WHAT ARE THE BEST SONGS? It’s hard to top a song called Satan’s Kind of a Dick, but One Quarter Viking, Three Quarters Pussy comes pretty close. And covers of Take On Me and The Fox (What Does The Fox Say) are so wrong they’re gotta be right.

WHAT WILL MY FRIENDS SAY? ‘Sure, it’s dumb — but if he toured with Steel Panther and Tenacious D, I’d still go see it.’

HOW OFTEN WILL I LISTEN TO IT? Whenever you finally get sick and tired of metal bands who take themselves way too seriously.

IF THIS ALBUM WERE BAND MERCH, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A vintage black Iron Maiden shirt that’s all faded and torn and doesn’t really fit over your middle-aged belly anymore — but if your wife (or, more realistically, your mom) tried to throw it away you’d totally shriek at her.

SHOULD I BUY, STREAM OR STEAL IT? Stealing it would be the most metal option.