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20 Questions With Weird Tales

The Polish doom merchants talk cloning, Chinese spices, Darwin Awards & more.

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A great album title is worth its weight in gold. And Polish psychedelic doom metal trio Weird Tales have one of the best I’ve come across lately: Y’all Motherfuckers Forgot ‘Bout Good Ol’ Son of a Bitchin’ Blues. And that ain’t just talk. True to that title, this grim little number — which I showcased HERE — features a slate of vintage blues cuts by the likes of Lonnie Johnson, Skip James, Blind Willie Johnson and Muddy Waters, revamped and updated with all the heavy aggression these three bruisers can muster (which is plenty). It’s as unforgettable as that title. Today, two of the weirdos return to do battle with my stupid questions. I’m sure it’s an experience they won’t soon forget, no matter how hard they try (laughs uncontrollably). Enjoy:

 


 

Introduce yourself: Name, age (feel free to lie), home base and any other details you’d care to share — height / weight / identifying marks / astrology sign / your choice.
Dima: I’m the guitarist and vocalist in Weird Tales.
Kriss: You can easily tell what I look like, even if you have never seen me with your own eyes. Just imagine an archetypal bass player of any band… . And then add some kilograms/pounds.

What is your musical origin story?
Dima: Weird Tales is my first band. Basically, I’m doing it all here.
Kriss: I was cursed with an urge to play in a band.

What’s your latest project? Tell us everything we need to know.
Kriss: We’ve just released a sick-ass EP with “covers” of real blues legends. It’s really worth checking out ’cause it’s not like your “regular cover album.” I know guys have probably heard that a thousand times before but. Just check it out. You will really feel the difference.

What truly sets you apart from other artists?
Kriss: As being heavly grounded in a genre of doom-oriented sounds and themes, we’re pretty much entertaining (especially live). And we haven’t stopped evolving yet, so you can expect almost anything in the future.

How will my life improve by listening to your music?
Dima: Oh man, I think it will do the opposite. You will be pushed out of your comfort zone and if you listen carefully those earworm riffs will eat your mind, But when the music is over, you will look around and realize that its not so bad here.
Kriss: You will still be the same after all.

Tell us about the first song you wrote and / or the first gig you played.
Kriss: I remember the first gig with my previous band, and that, my good sir, was a total disaster. But what band’s isn’t? The most important thing is that I didn’t give up after that.

What is the best / worst / strangest / most memorable performance you have given?
Kriss: You will have to ask the audience. I always try to make it as memorable as possible for them.

What is the best / worst / strangest / most memorable performance you’ve seen?
Kriss: I’ve never understood street music performances. It pisses me off.

What living or dead artists would you collaborate with if you could?
Dima: With Lemmy from Motörhead. But dead men tell no tales.
Kriss: For our next album we’d like to bring some well-known artist aboard to draw attention to our band. Like for example we’d like to have some vocals from Glenn Hughes (I loved what he did in Black Sabbath’s No Stranger to Love, song) C’mon Glenn, if you’re reading this, we can do it! (laughs uncontrollably)

What artist or style of music do you love that would surprise people?
Kriss: Any that stood test of time right now. People treating music right now like some kind of fashion that can be “worn” until the hype is gone. That’s pretty much fucked up 😀

Tell us a joke.
“What do you call a flat-earther who’s jogging? A running joke.”

What useful (or useless) skills do you have outside of music?
Kriss: I try to do too many other things beside music and just barely scrape the surface of them. On the other hand, I also do nothing good — so that’s a pretty use/full/less skill.

What do you collect?
Kriss: Aside from music-related stuff like vinyls and CD’s, I collect anything that seems to be useful (at the time) or interesting, so I live almost like a hoarder (HELP ME!)

What would you like to be reincarnated as?
Kriss: I’d just like to reincarnated in general or be cloned. I like life. I’ve never understood people committing suicide. If you don’t have anything to lose, why not go crazy with it and do something you’ve never done before? The worst you can do is die, but you already decided to do that anyway, so what is stopping you then?

What’s your idea of perfect happiness / total misery?
Kriss: I’ve always wondered about the whole idea of Christian “heaven”, and to me it seems like a real hell. In my opinion there’s no such thing as eternal happiness. And being forever stuck with your formerly deceased family and friends who were watching you doing stupid things or at least masturbating can turn into eternal torment very fast. Don’t you think? But if you asking about real things, I just want to drink some beers and listen to music from time to time. That’s all.

What’s your greatest regret?
Kriss: I don’t know yet, but this beast awaits to strike a final blow to my life someday, then I’ll know what to regret.

What are you afraid of?
Kriss: Check out the answer above… .

What would the title of your autobiography be?
Dima: I Was Born & I Was Dead. 
Kriss: What Has Been Seen Cannot Be Unseen.

Who should play you in the movie of your life?
Dima: Bruce Campbell.
Kriss: Sir Anthony Hopkins.

What’s your motto?
Kriss: ‘Fuck that’

What’s always in your refrigerator?
Kriss: Some Chinese food-related spices or condiments. The shit that I use once in a while and then I totally forgot about and buy another (laughs). So I always have a plenty with expiration dates that go a couple years back.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Kriss: Nothing. And it’s not like I’m totally perfect! I just think that I’d go back to the same ol’ me who I am right now and that would be just a waste of time (otherwise it wouldn’t be me).

What’s the silliest thing you believed as a child?
Kriss: I was taught to believe in the Christian god. It’s not like I condemn you all Christian and Christian-related dudes. But it’s a waste that parents didn’t choose something more entertaining.

What world record would you like to break?
Kriss: I’d rather be nominated for a Darwin Award someday.

What’s the best and / or worst advice you were ever given?
Kriss: The best and the worst is the same here: People tell you “Don’t give up,” and while it’s good that they support you, supporting someone’s failure is the worst thing you can do.

Check out their videos above, listen to Y’all Motherfuckers Forgot ‘Bout Good Ol’ Son of a Bitchin’ Blues below, and follow Weird Tales on Facebook and Instagram.