“Is it my fortune or my fame?
Is it my money or my name?
Is it my personality?
Or just my sexuality?
What is my charisma.”
A: None of the above
Being a fan of KISS has always been complicated. Maybe never more so than right now.
It can be such a treat, because the music is sometimes just great — simple, fun, stupid and loaded with adolescent comic book appeal, cheekiness and ridiculously antiquated machismo.
But my fandom is not the sort of thing I advertise. I don’t own any KISS shirts, and the KISS section of my record collection includes only their eponymous 1974 debut, Hotter Than Hell (1974), Dressed To Kill (1975), Alive! (1975), Destroyer (1976), Rock & Roll Over (1976), Love Gun (1977), Alive II (1977), Ace Frehley’s 1978 solo album, Dynasty (1979) and Unmasked (1980).
This is the era when KISS were a fascination of mine. By 1980 I was seven years old. They were mysterious, a little scary and rockin’. I was intimidated, but drawn. Within a few years, I finally got around to really listening to their music — courtesy of a copy of Alive!, and their two-LP best-of, Double Platinum (1978). I also watched and re-watched KISS Exposed, KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park and the Lick It Up tour video. For around six months in Grade 10, I was in — hook, line & sinker.
And then we heard Hüsker Dü and everything changed. Suddenly, it was hard to ignore the stupid lyrics in Ladies Room, Christine Sixteen and worse, Let’s Put The X in Sex.
I never got rid of my Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Pink Floyd and Beatles records — but they ended up filed behind the Soundgarden, Jane’s Addiction, Sonic Youth and Pixies new additions. Meanwhile, KISS slipped further and further into the past for me, finally consigned to oblivion. I wasn’t alone. Their new records got worse and worse and ticket sales dwindled by the late ’80s. The saving grace for the band was their appearance on MTV Unplugged in the summer of 1995. They were likeable, played great songs, and even brought out original members Peter Criss and Frehley to perform — the only time all four were together on stage sans makeup. The warm reception led to a reunion tour, the reunion album Psycho Circus (1998) and the first of their farewell tours.
I was still too cool to attend any of the shows on the 2000-2001 farewell tour, but I needn’t have worried. By 2002, they were playing again — first at the Olympics in Salt Lake City, then on That ’70s Show, then in Australia to record Alive III: Symphony. Oh, and then in 2003 they hit the road with Aerosmith. Farewell tour? What farewell tour?
I did finally see them live during this post-farewell period, though — catching a show on each of the Sonic Boom (2009) and Monster (2012) tours. The former set a record for decibel levels, and I was close enough to the stage at Ottawa Bluesfest that much of it was practically white noise. Very white.
Then they went and did another farewell tour. This one was even longer, thanks to the pandemic that broke out in the middle of it. As a result, their End Of The Road tour lasted four years, from 2019 to 2023. Which brings us to recent current events.
At the end of March, Gene Simmons abruptly cancelled 17 dates on his upcoming solo-band tour. That represents more than half the dates on the tour. The lone Canadian gig, May 15 at Fallsview Casino in Niagara Falls, is still a go. Instead of the traditional meet-and-greet VIP packages, the bassist/vocalist has been offering superfans the opportunity to pay him $12,495 for the honour of being his roadie for a day.
And, just as the Simmons gigs were mysteriously cancelled, we learned that KISS will “unretire” and play a one-off show in Las Vegas this November as part of a three-day event to mark the 50th anniversary of the KISS Army fan club. The news — which comes 15 months after the end of their farewell tour — suggests the Vegas show will have much in common with the fortuitous Unplugged show 30 years ago. This one will also be sans makeup and promises an appearance from at least one beloved former member — Bruce Kulick (1984-1996). An intimate Q&A session with fans is planned, along with “other special guests, activities, exclusive experiences and more.”
It just seems to me like they’re really hoping to find a reason to get back out on the road. Maybe I’m wrong, but this has always been a band that aren’t afraid to try anything to make a buck. Case in point — the previously unveiled KISS holograms, which they have already indicated are part of plans for a concert “experience” and tour, along with actors portraying members of KISS. The timeline for this was previously stated for 2027. Call me crazy, but if this Vegas show rubs Simmons and Paul Stanley the right way, I’m sure they’ll be involved as well.
So, I thought I’d run through some of the more creative ways KISS have sought to relieve you of your money over the years. First thing you should know is that Simmons himself has attempted to officially trademark 182 things — including a failed attempt to trademark the “devil horns” gesture. He has successfully trademarked 44 things.
2025 | Simmons offers “roadie for a day” experience for $12,495 US.
2024 | KISS (songs, brand and intellectual property) sold to Pophouse for $300 million.
2023 | Final concert at Madison Square Garden made available on pay-per-view for $40 US.
2017 | KISS “air guitar strings” — empty, clear plastic packages — go on sale for $3.99.
2016 | Opening of KISS Monster Mini Golf and I Love It Loud wedding chapel at the Rio Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.
2015 | Release of direct-to-DVD movie Scooby-Doo and KISS: Rock & Roll Mystery. Included one new song: Don’t Touch My Ascot.
2013 | Japanese convenience stores offer KISS Super-Spicy Chili Tomato Meat Buns. Dubbed “Hotter Than Hell,” the tasty snack is re-introduced two years later.
2013 | Simmons and Stanley purchase a share of an Arena Football League expansion franchise and name the team Los Angeles Kiss.
2012 | Stanley and Simmons found Rock & Brews restaurant chain.
2012 | KISS team up with Hello Kitty to unveil KISS Hello Kitty toilet paper.
2011 | KISS and Rewine launch line of KISS-branded beer and wine.
2011 | KISS Kruises launch. To date there have been 11 events where fans can book a vacation on a KISS-themed cruise ship. The first happened in Oct. 2011. Cost is around $1,099 to $2,000 per person.
2010 | New Mexico offers a KISS scratch-and-win lottery ticket for $5.
2007 | A new comic book series featuring the band is released in association with Platinum Studios — KISS 4K: Legends Never Die.
2006 | KISS his & hers fragrances are introduced. The cosmetics for men include a deodorant, cologne, and Struttin’ hair and body wash. The KISS Her line features “lovin’ body” lotion, “rockin’ after-bath splash”, perfume, and “party” shower gel.
2002 | KISS Kondoms hit the market in three varieties: Love Gun Protection, Tongue Lubricated and Studded Paul.
2001 | The original KISS Kasket goes on sale. A second generation arrives in 2011 — a standard model and a premium one. Prices start around $4,000.
2001 | FirstUSA bank introduces a KISS Platinum Visa card. These days, new cards are available in five designs.
1999 | World Championship Wrestling unveils The Demon — a KISS-inspired wrestler. The band get paid $500K to perform God Of Thunder live on WCW Monday Night Nitro.
1998 | KISS-branded Zippo lighters introduced.
1979 | KISS Krunch cereal appears in the grocery store.
1978 | Simmons unveils his first Axe bass, built by Valdez Guitars. Since then the trademarked design has been made by Steve Carr, Kramer, Jackson and Cort. He now sells them exclusively through his own website. You can buy an Axe bass, his signature Punisher bass or a Gibson Thunderbird G2. For $6,500 you can get your bass signed and handed to you personally by Gene backstage. If you want an actual stage-played bass, the price is $12,500. (There are payment plans).
1978 | Bally introduces the first KISS pinball machine.
1978 | Tiger produces a KISS record player (it only played 7″ records).
1978 | Toy company Mego unveils the first KISS action figures. McFarlane Toys has produced the figures since 1997.
1977 | Marvel Comics publishes the first KISS comic. Blood from each member was drawn and mixed with the ink.
1977 | KISS AM transistor radio is released.
1975 | On April 1, Stanley smashed a guitar on stage for the first time. By January ’76, this became a featured part of the show, and Paul — who was sponsored by Gibson — was supplied with $65 defective, B-stock or fake Marauders to smash. Eventually, he got specially made Ibanez guitars which were designed to break easily. It didn’t take long for these stage-smashed guitars to become a commodity for him to sell. These days, you can get one from his website for $5,000. He also sells stage-used microphones.
Right now, on the band’s website you can buy the usual albums, shirts, hoodies, sweat pants and hats — but also unique items like a kid-sized The Demon winged hoodie for $100 US, a $65 Animalize button-up patterned shirt for your next job interview (which you could wear with a $40 Dressed To Kill) tie, an I Was Made For Lovin’ You ladies’ “bling” robe ($70), baby onesies, a Love Gun baseball jersey, and Hotter Than “Heck” shirts for kids. In all, their merch site has eight pages of clothing and two pages of music. The music ranges from reasonably priced single LPs and CDs to lavish $900+ boxed sets. The most fun stuff is found on its three pages of “accessories.” There you’ll find Valentines, body pillows, folding hand fans, press-on nails, a variety of $300 cornhole sets, a $300 golden ticket, playing cards, jewellry, Viewmaster and slides, a selection of $275 beer pong tables, snow globes and Xmas ornaments.
You can also buy personalized, mounted gold or platinum records to display — they’re $270-$300 each. There’s wall art, lithographs, photos and posters, and finally, $50 memberships to the KISS Army. Oh, and then you can repeat all this by visiting the individual bandmembers’ websites.
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Area Resident is an Ottawa-based journalist, recording artist, music collector and re-seller. Hear (and buy) his music on Bandcamp, email him HERE, follow him on Instagram and check him out on Discogs.
