Plymouth Breeze, professing their love for the secrets of Shaolin, enters the 36th chamber on Kung Fu Suite. And immediately, out of nowhere, seemingly created from the shadows themselves, they are beset upon by a series of masked fighters, spinning and back-flipping their way into battle. Their fists flash with experience, and they attack with Black Tiger Steals Heart and Poisonous Snake Shoots Venom.
But Plymouth Breeze came prepared. Although laymen of the eastern art, they have watched their fair share of kung fu movies, and so it should come as no surprise that these masked fighters are dispensed with ease when Plymouth Breeze lands a devastating sequence, ending with Precious Duck Swims Through Lotus, and, as if to rejoice in their momentary victory, the sounds of flute and clarinet echo throughout the chamber’s stony walls.
More masked fighters appear, and Plymouth Breeze is forced to recall the prowess and determination of San Te, and, utilizing the sanjiegun, or three-section staff, their enemies fall one after the other. Fierce Tiger Speeds Through Valley. Horizontally Sweeps Thousands Armies. Nothing can stop Plymouth Breeze, and they proudly exclaim that they “love kung fu.” Their training has paid off, and taps into an innate talent. Their fists are if they were forged in fire; they move fluidly, as if they were harmless coy slicing through water; few can kick as high as they, and no head is safe when their heels are raised; their foes are as if blinded by smoke.
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To read the rest of this review — and more by Steve Schmolaris — visit his website Bad Gardening Advice.
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Steve Schmolaris is the founder of the Schmolaris Prize, “the most prestigious prize in all of Manitoba,” which he first awarded in 1977. Each year, he awards the prize to the best album of the year. He does not have a profession but, having come from money (his father, “the Millionaire of East Schmelkirk,” left him his fortune when he died in 1977), Steve is a patron of the arts. Inspired by the exquisite detail of a holotype, the collective intelligence of slime mold, the natural world and the suffering inherent within it — and also music (fuck, he loves music!) — Steve has long been writing reviews of Winnipeg artists’ songs and albums at his website Bad Gardening Advice, leading to the publication of a book of the same name.
