This came out in 2004 – or at least that’s when I got it. Here’s what I said about it back then (with some minor editing):
And now, a scene from an upcoming episode of The Osbournes:
OZZY: “Sha-ron! Have you seen my (bleep)ing burrito? I can’t find it!”
SHARON: “Ozzy! Will you forget about that (bleep)ing burrito! I told you, your new box set is here! Come and see it!”
OZZY: “Wot?! I’ve got a new box set? Well (bleep) me! When did I make a box set?”
SHARON: “You didn’t. That’s the beauty of it. All I did was take all your old Black Sabbath albums and put them in a box and release it. Isn’t it (bleep)ing brilliant?”
OZZY: “Here, hang on a (bleep)ing minute. You mean to tell me this giant box is just the first eight Sabbath albums on their own? No (bleep)ing bonus tracks? No live cuts? Nothing at all?”
SHARON: “Well, there is your first single Evil Woman and a mini-DVD of four live songs filmed at the Beat Club … ”
OZZY: “(Bleep)ing hell, woman! What the (bleep) were you thinking? All my (bleep)ing fans have already got all that stuff! Why would they shell out $150 for it again!”
SHARON: “Oh, stop (bleep)ing worrying, Ozzy. They’ll love it. It has every great Sabbath song: Paranoid, Iron Man, Faeries Wear Boots, Sweet Leaf, Snowblind, Supernaut, all of them. And everything has been remastered, so it sounds (bleep)ing incredible! Here, listen to War Pigs. The sound is so crisp you can hear the scratches on the sound effects record you used for the air raid siren.”
OZZY: “Whoa. That is pretty (bleep)ing awesome. But hold on — it’s also so clear that you can hear every (bleep)ing mistake. Listen to all those flubbed notes and how (bleep)ing sloppy we are! (Bleep) me, Sharon! We sound like (bleep)! The fans will hate it!”
SHARON: “No they won’t, Ozzy! They love you no matter what you do! Besides, it’s not like I could erase all the other musicians’ parts like I did with your old solo albums!”
OZZY: “No? So all the other (bleep)ing guys are still there? (Bleep)ing Bill and (bleep)ing Tony and (bleep)ing … um … oh, whatzisname … ”
SHARON: “Geezer!”
OZZY: “You aren’t exactly jailbait yourself, you (bleep)ing cow!”
SHARON: “No, Ozzy! Geezer Butler. The (bleep)ing bass player.”
OZZY: “Oh, right. So tell me again — why would anybody want to buy this?”
SHARON: “For (bleep)’s sake, Ozzy! OK, aside from the great sound, the packaging is way cool. All the albums are in nice little digipaks with original cover art. They fit into two embossed boxes that slide into the main unit, along with a black-velvet hardcover book with 80 pages of essays and lyrics and black-and-white photos and … ”
OZZY: “Why are the photos black and white? Where’s all the (bleep)ing colour?”
SHARON: “Because the band was called Black (bleep)ing Sabbath! Not Rainbow (bleep)ing Sabbath!”
OZZY: “Oh, right. Well, OK, Sharon. You always know best. And I must say, even if it doesn’t have any new tunes, it does look pretty (bleep)ing imposing sitting there on the shelf.”
SHARON: “Thank you Ozzy!”
OZZY: “Hey, look! The dog’s got my (bleep)ing burrito! Come back with that burrito, you mangy little (bleep)er! Sha-ron! Help me catch the dog!”
SHARON: “Oh (bleep)ing (bleep). Why couldn’t I have married Alice Cooper?”
