I have a love/hate relationship with Bernie Taupin. Elton John was my first musical love, courtesy of a copy of Greatest Hits Vol. II, which Santa brought my brother — but which I swapped for the copy of Billy Joel‘s Turnstiles he brought me. (It pays to wake up before everyone else and get to the stockings first.)
You don’t get to be an Elton fan, pre-1978, without also being a fan of the dude who wrote all his lyrics. But, the older I got, the more I realized that Bernie’s oft-celebrated lyrics weren’t always top-notch. Even as a kid I perceived the accolades bestowed upon Taupin as a lyricist seemed like an afterthought. The example which sticks out in my mind is from the 17-11-70 live album — the second Elton record I got. The album is made up of songs performed on a WABC-FM radio broadcast on Nov. 17, 1970. DJ Dave Herman opens the album by welcoming the small studio audience and introduces Elton, who then launches into his 13-song set (only six tracks appeared on the original LP). Herman again appears at the end: “Elton John, everybody… Elton John. Nigel! — drums. Nigel, outta sight. Dee! Dee, over there on bass guitar. Bernie Taupin… Bernie! — incredible lyrics.” It has always sort of struck me as funny that the lyricist was there, and introduced like he’d been on stage with a typewriter and lamp the whole time.
The Taupin lyrics I like best are the ones where he doesn’t try to sound like he was born in the U.S. — or, worse, in Jamaica. I find stuff like Country Comfort (from Tumbleweed Connection), Island Girl, Roy Rogers and Philadelphia Freedom to be almost unlistenable, while others like Sixty Years On, Take Me To The PIlot, Bennie and the Jets, Captain Fantastic & the Brown Dirt Cowboy, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Mona Lisa and Mad Hatters, Holiday Inn, Madman Across The Water, Levon, Dan Dare (Pilot of the Future), and Someone Saved My Life Tonight are absolutely brilliant. The two men were a package deal, seemingly inseparable until the late ’70s when Elton turned to others for collaboration. To me at the time, it seemed something was missing, but the sad truth is, it never really came back. For my money, the two lost their touch in 1975 and only had a handful of triumphs after that. But as inseparable as Taupin/John are as a tandem, it wasn’t only Elton who collaborated with others — Bernie wrote lyrics for other hitmakers. So, I thought I’d go through some of Taupin-penned lyrics not recorded by Elton John:
Alice Cooper | How You Gonna See Me Now?
Taupin co-wrote Cooper’s too-slick, David Foster-produced 1978 concept album From The Inside — the Coop’s fourth since splitting from his band in 1974. The album was inspired by Cooper’s time in an asylum due to his alcoholism. The album’s single, How You Gonna See Me Now?, got to No. 12 on the Billboard Hot 100.
Best line:
“And just like the first time
We’re just strangers again
I might have grown out of style
In the place I’ve been.”
Worst line:
“Yes I’m worried honey
Guess that’s natural though
It’s like I’m waiting for a welcome sign
Like a hobo in the snow.”
Heart | These Dreams
Taupin wrote Heart’s first No. 1 hit on the Billboard 100 — These Dreams, from their self-titled 1985 album. The song was actually the album’s third single, released as such in January 1986. The song, written by Taupin and Martin Page, was initially offered to Stevie Nicks, who turned it down.
Best line:
“The sweetest song is silence.”
Worst line:
“In a wood full of princes
Freedom is a kiss
But the prince hides his face
From dreams in the mist.”
Starship | We Built This City
Another Taupin/Page co-write from 1985. Written as a reaction to the closure of several L.A. music venues, this comeback No. 1 smash hit for Starship (fka Jefferson Starship / Jefferson Airplane) is widely regarded as one of the worst songs of all time.
Best line:
“Who rides the wrecking ball into our guitars?’
Worst line:
“Someone’s always playing corporation games
Who cares, they’re always changing corporation names.”
Willie Nelson | Mendocino County Line
Ol’ Willie actually won a Grammy for this tune Bernie wrote with producer Matt Serletic. Mendocino County Line was a duet with Lee Ann Womack, from Nelson’s 2002 album The Great Divide. It was his first Top 40 country hit in more than a decade. Taupin also helped write Last Stand In Open Country — a duet with Kid Rock from the same album.
Best line:
“I orchestrated paradise, couldn’t make you stay.”
Worst line:
“You dance with the horses through the sands of time.”
Courtney Love | Uncool
Serletic comes up again on this 2004 Courtney Love track, which he produced. It was written by Love, Taupin and producer Linda Perry on Love’s debut solo album, America’s Sweetheart. Love is not a fan of the album, referring to it as “a really crap record.” Uncool wasn’t one of the two singles from the LP.
Best line:
“I get tired of your pleasure
My company’s so cheap.”
Worst line:
“I don’t want to die and I don’t want to live
Baby I just want a chance to be with you.”
Brian Wilson | What I Really Want For Christmas
That’s right, the Beach Boy and Bernie wrote a Christmas song together in 2005. The single was released as a two-track 7″ — plus a “Christmas message” from Brian. Otherwise, the song was the title track of Wilson’s sixth solo album. The whole thing is awful, but the song with Taupin’s lyrics may be the worst of the lot.
Best line:
“Santa’s home, his reindeer sleep
A child’s strength is their belief.”
Worst line:
“The dying embers glow, we watch the falling snow
Lucky to be home, when some are all alone.”
Melissa Manchester | Hey Ricky (You’re a Low-Down Heel)
Manchester had a hit with You Should Hear How She Talks About You, but not the title track of this 1982 album. Hey Ricky was issued as a followup single, but failed to chart. This was the second and final time Manchester and Taupin collaborated. The first was the title track on her previous album, 1980’s For The Working Girl.
Best line:
“You belch my name to the boys
But if your beer was the sea of Cortez
You’d be drowning in the sound of your own voice.”
Worst line:
“Oh, Lordy, where’d you buy them morals
Where’d you get that Stetson
You come across a little short or urban
A New York white boy’s hardly redneck Texan
Say I really love them white bucks
Did your battleship sink your rubber duck
And you, you wouldn’t know what a lady was
Unless she came up and kicked you in the butt.”
Eighth Wonder | When The Phone Stops Ringing
This U.K. band was a one-hit wonder, and this wasn’t that hit — well, I suppose it was a No. 1 in Japan. They’re known for the 1988 single I’m Not Scared, which got to No. 7 in the U.K. and No. 1 in Italy. This Taupin / Holly Knight track from their second and final album was one of seven singles released by the Patsy Kensit-fronted group. Fans of EastEnders and Emmerdale might remember her, as she’s also an actor — and a veteran of four high-profile marriages. She’s been married to Dan Donovan of Big Audio Dynamite, Jim Kerr of Simple Minds, Liam Gallagher of Oasis, and DJ Jeremy Healy. She had sons with both Kerr and Gallagher, the latter named Lennon, of course.
Best line:
“My friends only laugh, they oh so cute to call him names
Like ‘Howard Hughes’ in front of me.”
Worst line:
“He was a special kind of guy
He said he’d call, now it’s been two days.”
Chicken Scratch | Possum
This is a weird one. Chicken Scratch were a punk band from New Jersey who put out three albums and an indie cassette between 1988 and 1991. I have no idea how they ended up having a song with lyrics by Bernie, or why he was credited as Skeeter Kise. The song Possum comes from the band’s 1989 album, Important People Lose Their Pants.
Best line:
“Do you know how to get home?
I don’t really think so
Your eyes are shut but not asleep
Down in your blood a possum creeps.”
Barry Ryan | Light In Your Heart
This, from the same year, sounds way more like it’s actually Taupin at work. Paul & Barry Ryan were a singer-songwriter brother act from Leeds who first showed up in the mid-’60s. Barry eventually moved to the background as a songwriter for Paul and the pair had a string of minor hits, culminating in Eloise (1968) and Love Is Love (1969). He packed in performing soon after and became a professional photographer. When he attempted a comeback in the ’90s, he dragged out a bunch of his old songs and then put this Martin Page / Taupin-penned track out as a single in 1990. He made another comeback Hail Mary in 2003 to no avail.
Best line:
“Let me dream in your footsteps, walk in your sleep.”
Worst line:
“Shades drawn tight across this man
I was lip-syncing rhythm, I’d no master plan.”
Taupin also made three fairly horrible solo albums of his own, and put out two albums with his band Farm Dogs in the late ’90s and early 2000s.
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Area Resident is an Ottawa-based journalist, recording artist, music collector and re-seller. Hear (and buy) his music on Bandcamp, email him HERE, follow him on Instagram and check him out on Discogs.
