And so then I’m, like, well what do I do, like, I don’t know where I belong, I just don’t want to be at the bottom, you know, like, I want to know that there’s someone else who’s worse, and I know how bad that sounds, but that’s what comes to my mind, like, I’m new, and there’s a bunch of others who are more experienced than I am, they know the products, and I’m, like, just a new voice, right?…
And I just have this imposter syndrome about it, you know, like, so I’m just in this weird place right now, and then when I talk to my mom, she, like, doesn’t want me to go to the states, like, she doesn’t feel safe going there, and I know that’s the right decision, but, like, is the right one for me?, like, do I go to the states, it just doesn’t sit well with me at the moment, and I just don’t know what to do, there’s just so much to consider, and it’s a bit overwhelming, so I think I just need some time to think, right?, and the trump thing sucks ’cause there’s all this pressure now, like, do I not go to the states?, the company I’m with rides all over the place, and not just in canada, so what this all means for the future, my future, I don’t know, like, I’m back and forth about it, everyone’s testing out new gear, and they’re riding all over, it’s just a shitty position to be in, and I’m leaning toward going, right?, because all these places, they, like, rely on tourism, and, like, how would we feel if it was the other way, right?, like, if americans stopped coming to canada, all these places would close up, you know, and that’s shitty, like, there’s places run by families, and they’re just going to be ruined by it all, what will they do, so it just doesn’t sit well with me, like, entire lives will be destroyed, so I don’t know, I don’t know what to do, do I go, do I stay, if I stay and the company wants to hit an american hill, what then, I just sit it out?
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To read the rest of this review — and more by Steve Schmolaris — visit his website Bad Gardening Advice.
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Steve Schmolaris is the founder of the Schmolaris Prize, “the most prestigious prize in all of Manitoba,” which he first awarded in 1977. Each year, he awards the prize to the best album of the year. He does not have a profession but, having come from money (his father, “the Millionaire of East Schmelkirk,” left him his fortune when he died in 1977), Steve is a patron of the arts. Inspired by the exquisite detail of a holotype, the collective intelligence of slime mold, the natural world and the suffering inherent within it — and also music (fuck, he loves music!) — Steve has long been writing reviews of Winnipeg artists’ songs and albums at his website Bad Gardening Advice, leading to the publication of a book of the same name.
