Are you ready to rock? Well, too bad — there was no rock to be had on the talk shows Monday night. But there were plenty of jazzy piano ballads and weird covers. Exhibit A: Eternal crooner Michael Bublé brought out a big band for no good reason to resurrect the 90-year-old Tin Pan Alley chestnut When You’re Smiling on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Not to be outdone, The Late Show With Stephen Colbert had Josh Groban pointlessly cover Billy Joel‘s She’s Always a Woman at the piano. But for sheer WTFedness, you couldn’t top Jimmy Kimmel Live, whose annual (RED) AIDS benefit trotted out Bono and Pharrell — who has apparently decided he no longer needs a last name — to convert The Bee Gees‘ Stayin’ Alive into a torchy lounge ballad. Then Bono and Brad Paisley gamely joined a bunch of celebutards for a ditty called We’re All Going to Hell. As if we’re not there already. Basically, if you were looking for anything vaguely contemporary, you had two choices: New Zealand duo Broods, who hit Late Night With Seth Meyers to unveil their new single Peach (from their presumably ironically titled album Don’t Feed the Pop Machine) and Marc E. Bassy, who visited The Late Late Show with James Corden along with G-Eazy to sing Love Her Too. It did not rock. But at this point, let’s just be glad he didn’t follow up with a cocktail-jazz piano rendition of Smoke On The Water.